On Friday morning I had such an amazing experience. On Friday’s we get together at Carol’s (www.soulstruth.co.za) for a morning of meditation and general learning. This Friday the theme for the morning was blockages and things that might be holding you back.
After a few years of getting to know myself, I have realised that I usually start by showing some physical signs when old ‘stuff’ that I haven’t dealt with comes up. This week I have been struggling with my throat, scratchy and generally just feeling like something is stuck in it. Initially I thought it is just all the talking I have been doing for readings, but I knew something was up and wanting out, so the session at Carol’s was really just at the right time for me!
So when we started talking about blockages, the first thing that I spoke about was my throat and how I have really been struggling with it. Then all of a sudden the weirdest old memory popped into my head – and I know with me this is always my sub-conscious sending me a signal when these random memories come up. It was a memory of my 2nd Grade teacher hitting me over the head for doing something wrong. And in that moment Carol spoke about what it is that made you lose your power and the light bulb went on for me.
I have for years struggled with ‘standing up for myself’ in situations where authority was involved. I always had this weird sense of feeling utterly powerless and emotional, and most of the time this was really rather unfounded as I am a pretty secure and strong person. For some reason I just always felt like a little girl in these situations and would just feel myself reverting to tears for no good reason.
So unpacking this whole memory then really cleared it all up – so this teacher used to hit us if we did anything wrong and we were never able to stand up and tell her to stop or even go home and complain to our parents as she was super vindictive and things would have been impossible in class for us. I think I was about 7 at this stage. If you grew up in the 80s in South Africa you would now all about having the crap beaten out of you in school by some teachers, not all of them were like that, but sometimes you got that one!
This all just made so much sense to me – and I was amazed at how this incident formed part of a huge limiting self belief that I had chosen to live with for more than 30 years – The fear of being punished if I speak up and show my power.
So what an AHA moment that was! Well, the great thing was that I have identified the issue, I have now also chosen to step out of that vicious circle and make sure that every time I am confronted by situations with people of authority that I can stand in my own power and don’t have to revert to my 7 year old self. I am allowed to take my power back and deal with confrontational situations in an adult and respectful manner.
And the prospect of a future filled with standing up for myself vs a future where I am the little girl crying in the corner looked much more appealing to me!
So maybe take some time and look at your blockages – what self limiting beliefs are you carrying around and where does this come from? What event in your childhood might have fuelled the fire for this?
Take your power back today!