I know, I know ….. I sort of felt like saying for f*ck sake for the heading of this blog – but thought it would be a bit hectic if you visited my site for the first time and saw me cussing away!
Anyway, so after a looooooonnnnnngggggggg period of basically MASSIVE introspection I am climbing out of my hole and writing again. After returning from Egypt (I know that was in April…) I have been thinking of writing and so much has happened spiritually with me since then but I just have not actually taken time and sat my arse on my chair and started typing. So here I am today – I AM BACK.
The last 5 months have been rather profound and I think my entire view of myself have done a bit of a 360. My trip to Egypt was amazing and magical and really just opened me up and placed me in the space to go – hey go a little deeper in there, this is your job remember, the job is to remember who you are!!! So that is what I have been doing for the last 5 months, I have been going inwards. It has been painful, it has been joyful, it has been annoying and downright crap sometimes, but then I got to the point where I got it.
During a guided meditation a few months back I saw myself, I literally saw myself as part of everything and I got one hell of a fright, my breath was taken away for a few seconds and it was freaky and immense, but I saw myself as part of the Universe and the Universe as part of me….. I know it sounds crazy, but it was a glimpse into what I have been searching for for the last three years on my spiritual journey and it was huge and beautiful and I was filled with clarity and peace.
I had such a profound aha moment – and it all came down to me. I had this profound knowing that I am totally in charge of everything, that I am creating everything around me, because it all links back to me.
So that was pretty awesome and I have now been observing my surroundings and seeing how my thoughts and actions are creating and I am intensely analysing these things and truly enjoying every moment of it.
I have also spent most of July and August practicing surrendering to this knowing-ness I saw. I felt like I have been sitting on my butt doing nothing, even though I was still working and traveling and being a mom and wife and sister and daughter and friend, I just felt like I was not creating. BUT my guidance was so clear – I was being asked by my Soul to be still and to just listen…. That to be honest was not so much fun, as a self-diagnosed control freak and do-er – that was bordering on my own personal hell, but I knew I had to listen, because when we listen amazing things happen.
And then all of a sudden as if something just clicked I woke up on 22nd of August the day after the big eclipse and the new moon and I felt like I needed to get back into the game again, that my little stint of playing inside and sitting on my butt working with myself has been great and amazing but it is finished now. Not finished as in for ever, but finished for now. When my Soul and body needs a break again and to integrate again I will be guided to that but for now I am pretty well rested and ready to rock and roll again.
So here we go….. onwards and upwards, let’s see where this journey leads. I will now be walking in my knowing-ness, and trusting that what I am feeling and creating is exactly what it should be……